Using anecdotes in English language classroom

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    2013-01-14
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Using anecdotes in English language classroom












Using anecdotes in English language classroom

ABSTRACT

presented graduation paper presents information about the definition, the structure, the usage and types of anecdotes.purpose of this study is to view anecdotes as a way for teaching students foreign language. For this it is necessary to analyze the anecdotes and find their advantages and disadvantages for teaching.accomplishment of this purpose was possible through the use of such methods of investigation as: analyses, explanation, classification, description, observation, comparison, contrastive exemplification and data collecting. I analyzed a number of anecdotes, chosen from the immense quantity of anecdotes all over the internet and over the books, in order to show their value for teaching foreign language; I gave examples of using them in the lesson activities, and finally divided the activities and the investigated material into two parts - for young students and for advanced and intermediate students.result of the investigations leads to the conclusion and once again proves that the anecdotes are of great value for every teacher whose main goal is to stimulate the students, to encourage the students for a free communication at the lesson, to motivate them to speak a foreign language and of course to accomplish all the tasks of the pedagogical process.

GLOSSARY

1.Communicative Competence - what a speaker needs to know in order to be communicatively competent in a speech community.

2.Communicative Language Teaching - teaches the language needed to express and understand different kinds of functions

.Audio-Lingual Approach - a technique of foreign-language instruction that emphasizes audio-lingual skills over reading and writing and is characterized by extensive use of pattern practice.

.Humor - the quality that makes something laughable or amusing.

.Anecdote - a short usually amusing account of an incident, esp a personal or biographical one

INTRODUCTION

has been described as 'the most privatized of all public professions". "Teaching is a moral activity, because it is founded upon a relationship which involves making decisions and taking actions that influence the social, emotional, intellectual and moral development of others in one's care.has no use without communication. The ever-growing need for good communication skills in English has created a huge demand for English teaching around the world. Millions of people today want to improve their command of English or to ensure that their children achieve a good command of English. And opportunities to learn English are provided in many different ways such as through formal instruction, travel, and study abroad, as well as through the media and internet.main goal of the methods is that they help teachers to achieve better results in teaching. For such a help acts anecdote as well., the object of this research paper is the anecdote, as a specific form of narrative writing, a tool, as a means of accessing and using the reflective process, its usage in English class.of anecdotes:

) It is good to work on two works! It is a lot of money! But not because it is paid a lot of, but because there is no time to spend the money...

) Look at all schools of the country: a super blockbuster "Sit down"! And continuation "Sit down - 2"!main goal of this research paper is to view anecdotes as a way for teaching students foreign language. For this it is necessary to analyze the anecdotes and find their advantages and disadvantages for teaching.work aims:

to determine Communicative Competence

to determine the Audio-lingual Approach

its connection with Communicative Language Teaching

to describe what is an anecdote;

to describe the types of anecdotes;

to explain why anecdotes are useful in language teaching;

to explain how to use them in language teaching;

to analyze some anecdotes in order to show their potential value for the lesson.research paper consists of three chapters: APPROACHES TO DEVELOPING COMMUNICATIVE COMPETENCES, ANECDOTES and ANALYSIS OF INVESTIGATED MATERIAL. The first chapter is about the role of communication in teaching foreign language. The second chapter includes detailed information about the origin, typology, meaning of the anecdotes. And the third chapter consists samples of anecdotes used in the classroom for different ages.

communicative competence anecdote language

CHAPTER I. APPROCHES TO DEVELOPING COMMUNICATIVE COMPETENCES

most people communication is simply talk. It is a natural event. Students enrolling in an introductory undergraduate communication course will quickly reference a convenient and aging dictionary when asked to define communication and provide the following:

Communication is a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior. (Webster, 1983, p. 266).

The field of communication focuses on how PEOPLE use MESSAGE to generate MEANINGS within and across various CONTEXTS, CULTURES, CHANNELS, and MEDIA. [1]

1.1 Defining communicative competence

Free Encyclopedia Wikipedia suggests that communicative competence is a term in linguistics which refers to a language user's grammatical knowledge of syntax, morphology, phonology and the like, as well as social knowledge about how and when to use utterances appropriately.term was coined by Dell Hymes in 1966, reacting against the perceived inadequacy of Noam Chomsky's (1965) distinction between competence and performance. [2]'s theory of communicative competence was a definition of what a speaker needs to know in order to be communicatively competent in a speech community. In Hymes's view, a person who acquires communicative competence acquires both knowledge and ability for language use with respect to:

1. whether (and to what degree) something is formally possible;

. whether (and to what degree) something is feasible in virtue of the means of implementation available;

. whether (and to what degree) something is appropriate (adequate, happy, successful) in relation to a context in which it is used and evaluated;

. whether (and to what degree) something is in fact done, actually performed, and what its doing entails.theory of what knowing a language entails offers a much more comprehensive view than Chomsky's view of competence, which deals primarily with abstract grammatical knowledge. [3]

Dr. Lane from University of Kentucky dealt with the problem of defining communication competence. He comes with some examples of identifying communicative competence by some linguists. Initially, Spitzberg (1988) defined communication competence as "the ability to interact well with others" (p.68). He explains, "the term 'well' refers to accuracy, clarity, comprehensibility, coherence, expertise, effectiveness and appropriateness" (p. 68).

Friedrich provided a much more complete operationalization (1994) declaring that communication competence is best understood as "a situational ability to set realistic and appropriate goals and to maximize their achievement by using knowledge of self, other, context, and communication theory to generate adaptive communication performances."mentions also Parks (1985) who emphasizes three interdependent themes: control, responsibility, and foresight; and argues that to be competent, we must "not only 'know' and 'know how,' we must also 'do' and 'know that we did'" (p. 174). He defines communicative competence as "the degree to which individuals perceive they have satisfied their goals in a given social situation without jeopardizing their ability or opportunity to pursue their other subjectively more important goals" (p. 175).must be said some words about the useful framework for understanding communication competence designed by Spitzberg & Cupach (1984) and known as the component model of competence because it is comprised of three specific dimensions: motivation (an individuals approach or avoidance orientation in various social situations), knowledge (plans of action; knowledge of how to act; procedural knowledge), and skill (behaviors actually performed).(1985) explains that communication competence is an impression formed about the appropriateness of another's communicative behavior and that one goal of the communication scholar is to understand how impressions about communication competence are formed, and to determine how knowledge, skill and motivation lead to perceptions of competence within various contexts (p. 173).

At the end Dr.Lane summarizes that communication competence is the degree to which a communicators goals are achieved through effective and appropriate interaction. [4]organization SIL (Summer Institute of Linguistics, Inc) International uses Carol J. Orwigs online book to give different origin of communicative competence. Communicative competence as a concept was introduced by Dell Hymes and discussed and redefined by many authors. Hymes' original idea was that speakers of a language have to have more than grammatical competence in order to be able to communicate effectively in a language; they also need to know how language is used by members of a speech community to accomplish their purposes. [5]

1.2 On the value of audio-lingual approach

According to the history given by The Free Encyclopedia Wikipedia the audio-lingual method <#"justify">Writers from Scribd publishing company define the Audio-Lingual Method or Army Method or also the New Key as a style of teaching used in teaching foreign languages. It is based on behaviorist theory, which professes that certain traits of living things, and in this case humans could be trained through a system of reinforcement - correct use of a trait would receive positive feedback while incorrect use of that trait would receive negative feedback. [7]understand better this approach lets use Rhalmi Mohammeds description of the approach. He says that the objective of the audio-lingual method is accurate pronunciation and grammar, the ability to respond quickly and accurately in speech situations and knowledge of sufficient vocabulary to use with grammar patterns. Particular emphasis was laid on mastering the building blocks of language and learning the rules for combining them as it was believed that learning structure or grammar was the starting point for the student.gives the following characteristics of the method:

§language learning is habit-formation,

§mistakes are bad and should be avoided, as they are considered bad habits,

§language skills are learned more effectively if they are presented orally first, then in written form,

§analogy is a better foundation for language learning than analysis,

§the meanings of words can be learned only in a linguistic and cultural context.this objective it could be said that the main activities include reading aloud dialogues, repetitions of model sentences, and drilling. Key structures from the dialogue serve as the basis for pattern drills of different kinds. Lessons in the classroom focus on the correct imitation of the teacher by the students. Not only are the students expected to produce the correct output, but attention is also paid to correct pronunciation. Although correct grammar is expected in usage, no explicit grammatical instruction is given. It is taught inductively. Furthermore, the target language is the only language to be used in the classroom.a teacher with big experience Rhalmi made an overview of the approach. So the advantages are:

§It aims at developing listening and speaking skills which is a step away from the Grammar translation method

§The use of visual aids has proven its effectiveness in vocabulary teaching.

And the disadvantages are:

§The method is based on false assumptions about language. The study of language doesnt amount to studying the parole, the observable data. Mastering a language relies on acquiring the rules underlying language performance. That is, the linguistic, sociolinguistic, and discource competences.

§The behaviorist approach to learning is now discredited. Many scholars have proven its weakness. Noam Chomsky ( Chomsky, Noam (1959). A Review of B. F. Skinners Verbal Behavior) has written a strong criticism of the principles of the theory. [8]

1.3 On the value of communicative language teaching

NCLRC's web site content is based on the material in Modules for the Professional Preparation of Teaching Assistants in Foreign Languages (Grace Stovall Burkart, ed.; Center for Applied Linguistics, 1998). Its founders Catharine Keatley and Deborah Kennedy instruct that Communicative Language Teaching (CLT) sets as its goals the teaching of communicative competence. NCLRC identifies four dimensions of communicative competence: linguistic, sociolinguistic, discourse, and strategic.

Linguistic competence knows how to use the grammar, syntax, and vocabulary of a language. Linguistic competence asks: What words do I use? How do I put them into phrases and sentences?competence knows how to use and respond to language appropriately, given the setting, the topic, and the relationships among the people communicating. Sociolinguistic competence asks: Which words and phrases fit this setting and this topic? How can I express a specific attitude (courtesy, authority, friendliness, respect) when I need to? How do I know what attitude another person is expressing?competence knows how to interpret the larger context and how to construct longer stretches of language so that the parts make up a coherent whole. Discourse competence asks: How are words, phrases and sentences put together to create conversations, speeches, email messages, newspaper articles?competence knows how to recognize and repair communication breakdowns, how to work around gaps in ones knowledge of the language, and how to learn more about the language and in the context. Strategic competence asks: How do I know when Ive misunderstood or when someone has misunderstood me? What do I say then? How can I express my ideas if I dont know the name of something or the right verb form to use? [9]

Adriana Vizental from the university Aurel Vlaicu suggests another dimension - cultural competence - which is the knowledge of elements of culture and civilization of the foreign language environment: country, people, history, literature and the culture of the target language, etc. (Vizental, 2007)

These dimensions are important in order to make teachers understand what communicative competence teaching is and in which direction the abilities of language use must be developed.

To understand the value of communicative competence lets begin with its origin explored by Carl Rogers, the founder of Humanistic psychotherapy who says that the Communicative Language Teaching (CLT) are to be found in the changes in the British language teaching tradition dating from the late 1960s. Until then, Situational Language represented the major British approach to teaching English as a foreign language. The language was taught by practicing basic structures in meaningful situation-based activities. British applied linguists saw the need to focus in language teaching on communicative proficiency rather than on mere mastery of structures. [10]

Thats why we can agree with Ann Galloway from the Center for Applied Linguistics who proposes another version of CLT history according to which the communicative approach could be said to be also the product of educators and linguists who had grown dissatisfied with the audio-lingual and grammar-translation methods of foreign language instruction. They felt that students were not learning enough realistic, whole language. They did not know how to communicate using appropriate social language, gestures, or expressions; in brief, they were at a loss to communicate in the culture of the language studied.

Talking about CLT itself we can refer to Mrs. Galloway. She specifies that communicative language teaching makes use of real-life situations that necessitate communication. The teacher sets up a situation that students are likely to encounter in real life. Unlike the audio-lingual method of language teaching, which relies on repetition and drills, the communicative approach can leave students in suspense as to the outcome of a class exercise, which will vary according to their reactions and responses. The real-life simulations change from day to day. Students' motivation to learn comes from their desire to communicate in meaningful ways about meaningful topics.S. Berns, an expert in the field of communicative language teaching, writes in explaining Firth's view that "language is interaction; it is interpersonal activity and has a clear relationship with society. In this light, language study has to look at the use (function) of language in context, both its linguistic context (what is uttered before and after a given piece of discourse) and its social, or situational, context (who is speaking, what their social roles are, why they have come together to speak)" (Berns, 1984, p. 5). [11]. Rogers points out the following elements of an underlying learning theory. One such element might be described as the communication principle: Activities that involve real communication promote learning. A second element is the task principle: Activities in which language is used for carrying out meaningful tasks promote learning (Johnson 1982). A third element is the meaningfulness principle: Language that is meaningful to the learner supports the learning process. Learning activities are consequently selected according to how well they engage the learner in meaningful and authentic language use (rather than merely mechanical practice of language patterns).principles, he suggests, can be inferred from CLT practices. They address the conditions needed to promote second language learning, rather than the processes of language acquisition., Mr. Rogers concludes that Communicative Language Teaching is best considered an approach rather than a method. Thus although a reasonable degree of theoretical consistency can be discerned at the levels of language and learning theory, at the levels of design and procedure there is much greater room for individual interpretation and variation than most methods permit. It could be that one version among the various proposals for syllabus models, exercise types, and classroom activities may gain wider approval in the future, giving Communicative Language Teaching a status similar to other teaching methods. On the other hand, divergent interpretations might lead to homogeneous subgroups.appealed to those who sought a more humanistic approach to teaching, one in which the interactive processes of communication received priority.that the initial wave of enthusiasm has passed, however, some of the claims of CLT are being looked at more critically (Swan 1985). The adoption of a communicative approach raises important issues for teacher training, materials development, and testing 'and evaluation. [12]

1.4 Using of humor in teaching foreign language

Paul-Emile Chiasson from University of New Brunswick (Saint John, NB, Canada) states that for many the simple mention of humour condors up notions and protests of, "I'm not funny, I don't use humour." " I can't tell a joke; let alone use one in class." For others it is something to be feared, synonymous with classroom disorder and chaos. "I'm not about to start telling jokes, it will mean complete loss of control."

He continues saying that for some this resistance to using humour may simply be a lack of knowledge as to how one may use it effectively in class. "I enjoy humour, but I don't know how to go about using it, so I don't. I don't want to look foolish." Others associate humour and its use with non-productivity. Students can't be learning if they are laughing. Yet humour is as authentic and as communicative a human reaction and social skill as is greeting and conversing with friends. [13]Chee W.S. from The International TEYL Journal says that humor is the characteristic that makes something laughable or amusing but humor in the English classroom has more than just the 'effect to induce laughter'; it brings together a chain-reaction by increasing the learner's motivation and self-confidence which creates a positive classroom atmosphere for the smooth acquisition of the language. Joseph Gatt (2000) explains it best:

"It is the 'breathing-out of the soul'. When during the lesson the pupils only listen to the teacher, who may be teaching in the same tone, then it is as if they only breathe in and have no opportunity to breathe out. They need humor, which the teacher can find in very different places. Therefore the teacher must bring in humor during his lessons and this humor should result from the vitality and momentum of the lesson."how do we go about using the humor in our lessons? How are we going to make the students laugh? Adam Chee W.S. classifies humor in the language classroom into four major categories:

1.Textual Examples: Stories, Jokes

"Humor in the form of a joke should be the spice of a lesson but it should not over-stretch the attention of the class." (Gatt 2000)

"As for stories, young children tend to enjoy humor books that were easier to read and they are more interested in humor based in characters' actions than humor of language and wordplay." (Shannon 1993)

2.Pictorial Examples: Cartoons, Comics

"Pictures used either on their own or with text help creates valuable stimulus in the classroom as it can help liven the story. When both text and picture are used together, it can help the young learner in the memorization of language structures." (Wieggers, Grooters &Tormo 1996)

3.Action/Games Examples: Theatre, Video, Role play, Simulation, Contests

"Young children learn without being aware of it when they are learning through games because it is spontaneous and natural. They have to think and react quickly in a game without tension or fear and for ESL games, they would have to concentrate on the vocabulary and grammar." (Vadillo 1998)

4.Verbal Examples: Puns, Word games, Acronyms

"Young children often have difficulty interpreting kidding, they are dead-serious when they take the meaning of words literally because that is the only meaning they are capable of understanding;tend to enjoy the humor of broad discrepancies such as slapstick humor as they cannot process subtle categorical discrepancies such as in acoustic puns and idiomatic expression (two different strands of thought tied together by a sound, which belongs to both words. E.g. alcoholiday).are some risks however, for foreign learners in word play as the double meanings may not be apparent." (Gatt 2000)Adam Chee W.S.s point of view there is little or no doubt that humor is an invaluable teaching aid in the English classroom and that almost all English teachers use humor at one point of time or another in their lesson. As a matter of fact, students have listed humor as an essential quality of a good teacher (Sylwester 2001) and the best teachers are known for their ability to release tension in class with humor (Kenner).what exactly is so special about the use of humor in the ESL classroom that helps get the language to flow so freely? It has been observed by Marklin (Walker 2002) that "students enjoys humor in forms of funny anecdotes" and it is this very 'enjoyment' that makes humor a popular content for teaching English because positive humor helps,

) Increases Motivation and Self-confidence
"Humor can help the shy and/or timid students to feel that they are a part of the class and to allow them to contribute or participate without feeling humiliated or vulnerable" (Chiasson 2002). This can act as a means of enhancing student motivation to learn English as well as stimulating recall to the materials taught. (Vadillo 1998)
) Creates a Positive Classroom Atmosphere
The nature of positive humor helps create a "positive atmosphere" which encourages the learners' desire to take part in class conversations by decreasing anxiety and stress. (Chiasson 2002) [14]
Richard L. Weaver I. and Howard W. Cotrell from Bowling Green State University designed a Systematic Sensitization Sequence used to help instructors become more comfortable using humor in the classroom.

1.Smile/Be lighthearted.

2.Be spontaneous/natural.

a.Relax control a little /break the routine occasionally.

b.Be willing to laugh at yourself/dont take yourself so seriously.

3.Foster an informal climate/be conversational and loose.

4.Begin class with a thought for the day, a poem, a short anecdote, or a humorous example.

.Use stories and experiences that emerge from the subject matter. Use personal experiences.

.Relate things to the everyday life of students. Read the student newspaper. Listen to their music; see their movies.

.Plan lectures/presentations in short segments with humor injected. Plan a commercial break. Use a slide or overhead.

.Encourage a give-and-take climate between yourself and students. Play off their comments. Learn their names.

.Ask students to supply you with some of their jokes, stories, or anecdotes. Share these.

.Tell a joke or two. Do outrageous things. Admit youre no good at it. Appear human. [15]

Humor should not be encouraged and this can easily be done through proper preparation. Differing from above mentioned instructions some general guidelines suggested by Adam Chee W.S. for using humor in teaching English are :

·Don't try too hard. Let humor arise naturally, encourage it.

·Do what fits your personality.

·Don't use private humor or humor that leaves people out of the topic.

·Make humor an integral part of your class, rather then something special. Humor works best as a natural on-going part of classroom learning.

·Be careful not to over use it, it could loose its value and effect.

·Using humor, like teaching, has to be well prepared.(Chiasson 2002)most important in using humor is to avoid jokes and puns related to cultural, religion, customs, or racial issues, also considered taboo are the learner's personality and their family relationships (parents, siblings, etc). [16]

CHAPTER II. ANECDOTES

Anecdotes are stories, usually from personal experience, that people tell to make a point or to entertain others during a conversation. [17] It may be as brief as the setting and provocation of a bon mot. An anecdote is always based on real life, an incident involving actual persons, whether famous or not, in real places. However, over time, modification in reuse may convert a particular anecdote to a fictional piece, one that is retold but is too good to be true. [18] These personal stories have a considerable role in everyday human interaction (Jones 2001), and according to Wright (1995, 16), the whole world is full of storytellers. Anecdotes often have an emotional component, such as happiness or sadness, excitement or embarrassment, or amusement or disappointment. [19] Sometimes humorous, anecdotes are not jokes, because their primary purpose is not simply to evoke laughter, but to reveal a truth more general than the brief tale itself, or to delineate a character trait or the workings of an institution in such a light that it strikes in a flash of insight to their very essence. A brief monologue beginning A man pops in a bar... will be a joke. A brief monologue beginning Once J. Edgar Hoover popped in a bar... will be an anecdote. [20] While it is not possible to remember all of the anecdotes we know, we do remember the content of noteworthy ones, and often we pass them on to others. It is well known that inserting anecdotes in essays and oral presentations is a good strategy to attract and hold audience attention (Benson 2000; Lukey-Coutsocostas and Tanner- Bogia 1998). This also applies to the second language classroom; using anecdotes is a good technique to arouse student interest and establish a meaningful and memorable context for learning. [21]

2.1 On the definition

The literary history of the Anecdote carries us back to the classic ages; though this form of composition was scarcely employed by the ancients in the sense in which we now use it. 'Anecdote' from Greek anekdota "things unpublished," neutral plural of anekdotos, from an- "not" + ekdotos "published," from ek- "out" + didonai "to give". (in Greek <#"justify">§short account of an incident, often humorous

§an account which supports an argument, but which is not supported by scientific or statistical analysis.

§A previously untold secret account of an incident. [25]

§a usually short narrative of an interesting, amusing, or biographical incident [26]

§a short account of a particular incident or event, especially of an interesting or amusing nature.

§a short, obscure historical or biographical account.

§a short usually amusing account of an incident, esp a personal or biographical one [27]

§a short account (or narrative) of an interesting or amusing incident, often intended to illustrate or support some point

§An anecdote is a short little scene or story taken from a personal experience. Anecdotes can be useful for setting the stage for a speech or personal essay. An anecdote often relays a story that can be used as a theme or lesson.

§An entertaining and often oral account of a real or fictitious occurrence: fable, story, tale

§a brief narrative of a particular incident. An anecdote differs from a short story in that it is unified in time and space, is uncomplicated, and deals with a single episode. The literal Greek meaning of the word is "not published," and it still retains some such sense of confidentiality. Sometimes an anecdote is inserted into a novel as an interval in the main plot, as in Laurence Sterne's Tristram Shandy. Famous books of anecdotes include the Deipnosophistae of Athenaeus and Plutarch's Lives. [28]

2.2 Types of anecdotes

There are by Mark Crislip <#"justify">BeginnningMidleEndNarrative(Abstract)-Orientation-Complication-Evaluation-Resolution-(Coda)Anecdote(Abstract)-Orientation-Remarcable Event-Reaction(Coda)Exemplum(Abstract)-Orientation-Incident-Interpretation-(Coda)Recount(Abstract)-Orientation-Record of Events-Reorientation(Coda)

Researchers in sociolinguistics and discourse analysis (Labov 1972; McCarthy 1991, 1998) have identified six elements of anecdotes, which differ from the Plums structure elements with some additional elements.

. Abstract-the abstract introduces the anecdote and may give essential context to the story: Did I ever tell you about …?; I remember when I was …

. Orientation-the orientation sets the scene for the story by identifying where and when it takes place and the people involved: Do you know that every year we have this school fair?; You remember last years school picnic, right? There, we…

. Complicating events-the complicating events are the main events of the story and are what makes it intriguing and interesting: The next thing she did was try to put out the fire.

. Resolution-the resolution tells what happened at the end of the story and how things worked out: …and finally he passed the test.

. Coda-the coda signals that the story is over and brings the storyteller and listener back to the present: Now I look back and say…

. Evaluation-the evaluation is how the storyteller indicates the essential point of the anecdote and why it was worth telling: Its not the worst thing that happened to me, but…six elements are not always present. For example, an abstract and coda may not be found in all anecdotes. However, according to McCarthy (1998, 134), evaluation is not an optional element, since without it there is no story, only a bland report. That is, evaluative statements identify the significance of the anecdote and prevent the audience from asking So what? (Labov 1972, 366). The evaluative element may appear at the beginning, in the middle, or at the end of the anecdote. Evaluation can be either explicitly stated or rendered through implicit devices such as exaggeration, repetition, mimicry, intonation, and figurative use of language (Jones 2001). Moreover, the listeners may collaborate with the teller and add their own evaluation of the anecdote or comment on its worth.

2.4 The usage of the anecdotes

Anecdotes are extended speaking tasks which give students the opportunity to talk about things that matter to them. The main purpose of an anecdote is to develop fluency, improve accuracy and encourage the use of more complex linguistic structures.

Anecdotes are one of the most economical, easy, and enjoyable ways to introduce meaningful language and content, to practice language skills and subskills, and to help manage classes of various ages and proficiency levels. Experience shows that students are always highly interested in experiences of their teachers and peers. Although some teachers may not feel comfortable with the idea of sharing personal information with their students, others may love to share their experiences and ask similar questions about the students experiences. How much the teacher shares and asks the students to share depends not on being friends with them but on creating a friendly atmosphere in the classroom. The ideas listed below summarize the benefits experienced while using anecdotes in the classes.

Classroom management is an important aspect in teaching any course, regardless of subject matter. It is an issue for novice and experienced teachers, for teachers of young or adult learners, and for teachers of beginner to advanced levels. Thus, an attention grabbing anecdote may wake up sleepy students, engage unmotivated ones with the task, and reinforce a context so it is not easily forgotten.

Genuine communication occurs in language classes when learners provide their own experiences and information. By listening to anecdotes from the teacher and classmates, asking questions for extra information or clarification, and contributing evaluative feedback as in real life dialogues, the language learners engage in authentic communication. Moreover, by telling an anecdote or responding to their friends anecdotes, students organize their ideas and contribute to the discussion (Wright 2000). The language and conversational skills used while telling our stories are different from the skills we use in controlled, inauthentic classroom tasks. Therefore, using anecdotes in language classes has the benefit of modeling the customary daily storytelling skills, and emphasizing those skills develops students conversational skills (Jones 2001).

Sharing anecdotes gives students the chance to reflect on their own and on others concerns, perceptions, and values (Wright 2000). This reflection develops higher level cognitive skills, including the ability to evaluate and synthesize information, as well as affective skills such as empathizing.

Anecdotes can also be used in content courses where the material is more demanding than language courses. Even advanced learners of English, especially at the tertiary level, may at times have difficulties in content courses. Thus, the use of anecdotes to explain, exemplify, and evaluate the new content aids learners understanding, learning, and retention.

When an anecdote is told by a native speaker English teacher or when it is about an experience in an English speaking country, the anecdote provides cultural information. In this respect, anecdotes represent a more realistic reflection of the target language culture and its people than the views presented in many textbooks.

While students learn more about each other and their teacher, the teacher learns more about the students. Anecdotes therefore reinforce the friendly relationship between teachers and students and among the students themselves. (Deniz Salli-Çopur 2008)

CHAPTER III. ANALYSES OF INVESTIGATED MATERIAL

3.1 About investigated material

The anecdotes that I used in this paper were taken from different sources, but most of them from different websites. As I didnt need simple, ordinary anecdotes, it was a little bit hard to find the appropriate ones to fit the task of the research.far as anecdote topics need to be meaningful to virtually all the students, they should have been subjects about which most people have something to say: a film theyve seen, a close friend, a journey, an evening out in a restaurant or a childhood memory. However, even though the topics are universal, many students will find it difficult to think of what to say on the spur of the moment. They may not be able to elaborate without some kind of framework to follow; they will need to have their memories jolted, their ideas activated.is achieved in the anecdote activity by careful preparation of a series of leading questions designed to trigger ideas. Thats why the farther description of the material will be set later in the corresponding section.

3.2 Types of division

Here are some samples of anecdotes according to the classification suggested in the theoretical part:

) Planned anecdotes are similar to those used in essays or in oral presentations. The teacher plans when to use the anecdote in the lesson, how to use it, and what kind of an exercise or questions will follow the anecdote.

§Pilot to tower . . . pilot to tower . . . I am 300 miles from land . . . 600 feet over water . . . and running out of fuel . . . please instruct! Tower to pilot . . . tower to pilot . . . repeat after me: "Our Father, which art in heaven . . ."[1]

This is a great instrument to work with - to warm-up the pupils, to captivate their attention and to adjust them on the lesson. The warm-up should be as funniest, as more vigorous, as more creative as possible. And though the anecdote is a little bit sad, I think its humor will cover the negative part. It can be presented in many ways: reading, performing in roles, etc. and also used during the other stages of the lesson to make the pupils listen to the teacher. The sample contains numerals (300, 600), repeated words (pilot, tower), so after the activity with this anecdote the teacher can for example teach the numerals.

§The Lovely Rose. While a violet stood pitying herself for being short, a rose said to her. "I for my part think you are lovely, little sister. Be satisfied with being just the one you are. "That afternoon a man came to the garden to take a rest, attracted by the delicate beauty and lovely smell of the rose. He cut its long, graceful neck, and just a moment later, when he had sniffed the lovely fragrance to his satisfaction, he threw the rose away. "See?" gasped the rose to the violet. [2]

Central to the process and purpose of anecdotes is reflection. Self-esteem is an important quality to be developed. Every pupil should respect himself/herself and his/her mates, because everybody is unique, special, and beautiful in his/her way. This is the teachers aim. Happiness doesnt depend on the ideal forms and universal recognition, but being satisfied with being just the one you are! I think the best to use this anecdote is to give it as homework to be commented on, imply it also at the beginning of the lesson or after reading a text on the similar theme. Pupils learn new words. It will be better if pupils could try to write a dictation on this anecdote. Thus, they will practice writing new words and memorizing the meaning of the anecdote.

) Semi-planned. In this case, the exact words or sentences are not written down, although teachers do have one or more anecdotes in mind and are prepared to tell them at the appropriate time in the lesson.

§A duck walks into a general store and asks the manager,"Got any fresh fruit?" "No." "Got any fresh vegetables?" "No. We have only canned and dry goods." The next day, the duck returns. "Got any fresh fruit?" "No." "Got any fresh vegetables?" "No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry goods. If you come back tomorrow and ask me the same question, I'll nail your flippers to the floor." On the 3rd day, the duck walks in and asks, "Got any nails?" "No." "Got any fresh fruit?" [3]

§Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what I just said. When did you first notice this problem? What problem? [4]

§Plato tells of how spirits of the other world came back to find bodies and places to work. One took the body of a poet and did his work. Finally, Ulysses came and said, "All the fine bodies have been taken and all the grand work done. There is nothing for me." "Mind," said a voice, "the best has been left for you - the body of a common man, doing a common work for a common reward." [5]often have great entertainment value. Humorous anecdotes may not always be just jokes, and their main or somewhat hidden purpose may not simply be to evoke laughter, but to reveal some truth or higher insight of general ideas and persons in a light that may evoke insight and humor together. So, these examples can be a benefit whenever the teacher would need help in managing the class, in improving learning, just keeping them in his/her mind.

3) Unplanned anecdotes come up naturally in the flow of classroom activities and are spontaneously activated by a response, a question, or a discussion that suddenly reminds the teacher of a story that is worthwhile to share with the students. From the time we begin to understand language until our death, we are perpetually surrounded by narratives, first of all in our families, then at school, then through our encounters with people. Here is an example of such a type. This is a true story that can be caused by a situation, for instance, students ingenuity at an exam. A good teacher can use pupils sayings, acts and turn them in advantage.

§William Phelps, marking exam papers shortly before Christmas one year, came across a curious answer to one of his more perplexing questions: "God only knows the answer to this question. Merry Christmas." Phelps returned the paper with the following annotation: "God gets an A, you get an F - Happy New Year!" [6]

However, there can be a lot of other classifications made to classify anecdotes. The most popular division is the thematical. Here are only some of the great amount of items:

1)Animal World <#"justify">·A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a god!

2)Children <#"justify">§A son comes to his dad and says: - Dad, i gotta tell you something - Ok, Quick and clear! - 100 bucks

§One day Mongo is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. "Whatcha doin?" he asked. Mongo replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying him." "That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor. Mongo shot back, "That's because he's inside your cat!'

3)Drunks <#"justify">§An ancient Irishman. Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "it's Michael O'Grady's grave, God, bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87." "That's nothing", says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool, it says here, that he was 95 when he died." Just then, Shamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145 years old!" "What was his name?" asks Paddy. Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin." [7]

The stories may be used to illuminate current problems and, as a result of experience also frame understandings. Alcoholism-is a physical (for the body, health), spiritual (for our feelings, emotions, decisions) illness. It affects, attacks not only the drunker, but his surrounding and relatives, causing unhappiness, depression, broken lives, diseases, etc. For some time the alcohol provides fun, liberty, as the heroes from the anecdote aforementioned. But we can also observe that they are acting foolish, going nowhere, and doing unusual acts. Many of the pupils face the horrors of alcoholism personally. So this theme should be discussed. Pupils develop speaking and reading skills, pronunciation, learn native Irish personal names (Paddy, Sean and Shamus), get cultural awareness (Dublin), abbreviations (fella), new words, synonyms (graveyard instead of cemetery), etc.

4)Famous People

§EINSTEIN was asked by his hostess at a social gathering to explain his theory of relativity. Said the great mathematician, "Madam, I was once walking in the country on a hot day with a blind friend, and said that I would like a drink of milk." "Milk?" said my friend, "Drink I know; but what is milk?" "A white liquid," I replied. "Liquid I know; but what is white?" "The colour of a swan's feathers." "Feathers I know; what is a swan?" "A bird with a crooked neck." "Neck I know; but what is this crooked?" "Thereupon I lost patience. I seized his arm and straightened it. "That's straight," I said; and then I bent it at the elbow. "That's crooked." "Ah!" said the blind man, "Now I know what you mean by milk!" [8]

§Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye (or maybe it was Neil McNell from Barra, but anyway..) went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him (no doubt carrying reinforcements of tatties, salt herring, oatmeal and whisky). "And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked. "Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night." "Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbours?" "Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes." [9]

§Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking. They hiked all day long and then, having gotten tired, unpacked and quickly retired. Holmes wakes up deep into the night, wakes Watson and says "Watson, do you see the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can you deduce from it?" Watson yawns and tries to play the game. "Well, this clearly tells us the weather tomorrow is going to be dry and sunny." "No, my friend. It's much simpler than that. Someone has stolen our tent." [10]

5)Medicine <#"justify">§When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside. 'Step aside, lady,' he barked. 'I've taken a course in first-aid!' The women watched for a few minutes, then tapped him on the shoulder. 'Pardon me,' she said. 'But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm right here.'

§A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa. When he came back, his colleagues asked him how it had been. "Oh, it was very disappointing," he said. "I didn't kill a thing. I'd have been better off staying here in the hospital."

§Patient: (to cosmetic-surgeon) 'Will it hurt, doctor? Surgeon: 'Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown'.

§A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The woman nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping."

§HEGS. The Doctor tells his patient that he has H-E-G-S "What's that?", the patient asks. "It's a combination of Herpes, Encephalitis, Gonorrhea and Syphyllis." The patient wants to know if there's a cure, to which the Doctor responds, "We have to keep you in a hospital room and feed you nothing but pancackes." "Why only pancackes?", asks the patient. The Doctor answers, "They're the only thing that will fit under the door."

§Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"

§A Short History of Medicinehave an earache...

B.C. - Here, eat this root.

A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.

A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.

A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.

A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.

A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

6)Miscellaneous <#"justify">§For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you. It's a classic! In tribute to those 'special' customers we all love! An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?" Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore." Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."

§An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up, wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!" [11]

§All gardeners know better than other gardeners. - Chinese Proverb

§If I'm ever reborn, I want to be a gardener-there's too much to do for one lifetime! - Karl Foerster

§When gardeners garden, it is not just plants that grow, but the gardeners themselves. - Ken Druse [12]

7)Marriage

§A middle-aged Jewish guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He says, "So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?" She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce." He says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much."

§Who introduced you to your wife? We just met. I cant blame anyone.

§What do you and your wife fight about all the time? I dont know.She wont tell me.

§What makes you think your husband is getting tired of you? He hasnt been home for seven years.anecdotes tell humorous stories about marriage, about the relationships between the wife and the husband, unhappiness, divorce. They are humorous, but their deeper analysis opens the real problems existing in families. The family was always one of the most important parts of humans life. Thats why the pupils textbooks are full of tasks on this topic. The examples provided can be used for the elementary school pupils of the awkward age, who already realize the problems in their families. First of all, the use of these anecdotes develops in pupils the speaking skill, learning new words, practicing his knowledge as they share their opinion about the situation in the families and about relationships between the couple and their children. For some pupils it will be a good opportunity to express their feelings, internal conflicts, and the latent pain and may be to change their values. Because this is the function of an anecdote- to make the pupils explore themselves and give to teacher food for reflections about each person in the classroom.

8)Religion and Church <#"justify">§A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boys position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"

§God, I was wondering...how long is a million years to you?" God answered, "Son, a million years to me is like a second to you." So the man asks, "God how much is a million dollars to you?" And God answered, "Son a million dollars to me is like one penny to you." So the man asks, "God, can I have one of your pennies?" And God answers, "Just a second son."

9)School and College <#"justify">§Should you have any questions during the exam, just raise your hand. This should cause enough blood to flow to your brain to answer it yourself.

§Examination to Qualify for Entrance to UNLV (basketball players only)Limit: 3 weeks

. What language is spoken in France?

. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

. Would you ask William Shakespeare to (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army or (d) WRITE A PLAY

. What religion is the Pope? (a) Jewish (b) Catholic (c) Hindu (d) Polish (e) Agnostic (check only one)

. Metric conversion. How many feet in 0.0 meters?

. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

. What are people in America's far north called? (a) Westerners (b) Southerners (c) Northerners (d) Easterners

. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton.

. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

. Where does rain come from? (a) Macy's (b) a 7-11 (c) Canada (d) the sky

. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity? (a) yes (b) no

. What are coat hangers used for?

. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?

. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

. Which part of America produces the most oranges? (a) New York (b) Florida (c) Canada (d) Wisconsin

. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you have?

. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?

. The UNLV tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)? (a) B.C. (b) A.D. (c) still waiting

*You must answer three or more questions correctly to qualify

10)Travel <#"justify">§Some of the most tactful people on Earth are English. One office supervisor called a secretary in to give her the bad news that she was being fired. He started the conversation with: "Miss Symthe, I really don't know how we're going to get along without you, but starting Monday, we're going to try.

§Three guys are in a plane, lost in fog, and they don't know where they are. The first guy says "I'll find out" and puts his arm out the plane, then brings it back in and says "We're just over Paris" "How do you know" ask the others "Well I've just felt the top of the Eiffel tower." Later on the second guy tries and says "We just flew over London" "How?" asks the others "Well I've just felt the top of Big Ben" Still later on the last guy tries it, puts his arm out the plane, and says to the others "We have just flown over Glasgow." "How do you know that?" comes the reply. "Because somebody has just stolen my watch" [13]

3.3 Using anecdotes for young learners

As far the direction of the analyzing process of this paper should be in favor of the teaching/learning process I chose to divide the anecdotes according to the skill or ability they establish, develop and improve. These are the skills to which every teacher of a foreign language dedicates most of his/her lessons, this are: reading, writing, listening, reading, pronunciation, grammar, vocabulary, cultural awareness and others.theory about the students levels requires special exercises, methods, activities because each of the age has its own abilities. The elementary level is the first level, so called the level of beginners. The teacher is restricted by the limited competence of the learners. The early introduction of humor makes it necessary to provide students as soon as possible with appropriate vocabulary. Bearing in mind that the students at this stage are far from being proficient, only universal humor is appropriate for it would in most cases be expected that the linguistic and cultural jokes are beyond the level of competence of the students. Thats why we need activities with the simplest and funny anecdotes that will raise pupils interest in learning the foreign language and acquiring the general skills for further deeper studying of the language. I am going to give characterization to the activities with anecdotes for young, intermediate and advanced learners which are used for learning the above mentioned skills.the four principal learning skills(reading, writing, listening, speaking). Being the base of all the other abilities many of the activities develop more than one of them.

) Teaching listening:

§- Are you fishing?

No, just drowning worms?

§- I dont like the flies in here.

Well, come around to tomorrow. Well have some new ones.

§- Last week I went fishing and all I got was a sunburn, poison ivy and mosquito bites.

§- Gee, Dad, thats a swell fish you caught. Can I use it as bait?

§- Are you fishing?

No, just drowning worms.

§- Do fish grow fast?

Sure. Every time my Dad mentions the one that got away, it grows another foot. [14]humorous texts in (1) deal with real world situations, human behavior (lying, exaggerating, bragging and asking obvious questions). For EFL learners there are no language internal or linguistic problems in getting the humor of these texts. The material in (1) can be presented as reading, used as dictation or as a brief listening- comprehension activity.

) For teaching speaking funny pictures are best of all:choice of picture that you choose to demonstrate or practice a particular point will naturally depend on the theme, grammatical or cultural component you are teaching or examining. For example, this picture is very colorful and contains many objects and people. Students have a great possibility to check their basic knowledge in speaking, for example the construction There is…/ There are…; the colors, etc. The absence of a title or any written dialogue allows the students to use their imagination and express themselves orally or in written form. The teacher asks some questions to avoid simple answers.

) Teaching writing.

·Teacher: Whats wrong?

·Boy: I cant find my boots.

·Teacher: What kind of boots are they?

·Boy: Theyre long green ones.

·Teacher: Theres a pair of green boots right here. Are you sure these arent yours?

·Boy: No, those arent mine. Mine had snow on them.

After the reading of the anecdote teacher asks the pupils to write the following exercise by choosing a word to make the opposite expression: wrong, find, sure, short, here.

1. Ive no idea about the answer.

Im ________ about the answer.

. I dont want to lose the dog in here.dont want to ________ the dog in here.

. The animal has very long legs.animal has very ________ legs.

. The classroom is over there.classroom is right ________.

. How many right answers do you have?many ________ answers do you have?

4) Teaching reading. The teacher uses role play of the dialogue. The usage of the pictures will develop not only their reading skill, but also the pronunciation and intonation, and will increase their motivation. To involve all the class the teacher can give such a simple exercise to check whether they understood the anecdote.pronunciation.

·What do you say to a cow that crosses in front of your car? - Mooo-ve over.students have trouble remembering the correct pronunciation of words that sound similar (almost the same) such as "horse" and "house". For this reason the teacher can use this funny sentence. She can read it aloud and give the possibility to the pupils to correct it.

·"When I have enough money, I want to buy a big horse with three bedrooms and two bathrooms." [18]grammar.

·POLAR BEAR CUB: Mum, am I a real polar bear?

·POLAR BEAR MOTHER: Yes, dear, of course you are.

·POLAR BEAR CUB: Really?

·POLAR BEAR MOTHER: Yes, son. Im a polar bear. Your dads a polar bear. Your grandparents are polar bears. Your sisters are polar bears. Your brothers are polar bears.

·POLAR BEAR CUB: I know that, mum. But am I a real polar bear?

·POLAR BEAR MOTHER: Of course you are. Be quiet and eat your fish.

·POLAR BEAR CUB: But Im not a polar bear, Im sure.

·POLAR BEAR MOTHER: Listen to me. You are a real polar bear. Why do you ask the same question again and again?

·POLAR BEAR CUB: Because Im freezing![19]this sample the teacher can practice present simple tense. Having given the rules of forming present simple tense, its positive, negative and interrogative forms the teacher asks pupils to find in the anecdote examples of present simple tense.

·Student to teacher," Are 'pants' singular or plural?"
Teacher, "They're singular on top and plural on the bottom."
·Teacher; What is the plural of mouse?: Mice.: Good, now whats the plural of baby?: Twins. [20]anecdotes can be good for a warm-up activity before the presentation of the singular and plural form of the noun.. Teaching from mistakes is a great way for developing the memory of the pupils, but also the conscious answer.

·"Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.". For teaching grammatical constructions. This anecdote made because of a grammatical mistake can be used as a simple exercise for practicing collocations.

·"On weekends, I enjoy playing in the piano." [21]vocabulary.

·Mum: Alice, what are you doing in here [in the bathroom]?

·Alice: Im standing on a chair.

·Mum: But why are you standing on the chair?

·Alice: Im looking into the mirror, mum.

·Mum: But youve got your eyes closed, Alice. Why are you doing that?

·Alice: I want to see what I look like when Im sleeping. [22]

This anecdote can be an aid for learning new words, for instance for the theme In the bathroom. To practice the new vocabulary here is an exercise. The pupils need to choose the correct word to complete these sentences.

mirror bath bathroom chair eyes

. Shes wearing sunglasses to keep the sun out of her ______.

. Jacks standing on a ______ to get a book from the top shelf.

. Kathys having a shower in the ______.

. Lucys looking into the ______ to see what her hair looks like.

. Simons having a ______at the moment. Can I take a message?

Teaching cultural awareness. Teaching through this anecdote, pupils get acquainted with the cultural features of English people to express their politeness.

·TEACHER: What's your name?

·Pupil: Ravi.

·TEACHER: You should say "Sir".

·Pupil: OK, Sir Ravi! [23]

3.4 Using anecdotes for intermediate and advanced learners

intermediate language courses, the possibilities are naturally much wider for the students at this level have a larger vocabulary and more solid control of the syntax of the language. Universal humor should of course be continued throughout the program. Teaching the four principal learning skills (reading, writing, listening, speaking).

1) For teaching speaking teachers often ask students for a personal response to something they have experienced in a funny form.. For example, students tell anecdote about a time they did something challenging.

a.Something that scared you when you were young.

b.Something embarrassing that happened to you.

c.Something involving animals.

d.A time that you became very angry with someone.

e.Something involving the supernatural or that cannot be explained.

f.A time that you were late - and the consequences

g.Something that started off badly but turned out well in the end.

h.A time when you were very lucky.

These are usually short exchanges and a nice way of rounding off a lesson or part of a lesson. An anecdote activity, on the other hand, is an extended speaking activity which provides an opportunity for students to tackle a longer piece of discourse and to develop their speaking skills.the teacher can participate telling an anecdote of her own:

·A missionary came upon a hungry lion in the middle of an African plain. The missionary knelt and prayed: God, please give this lion a Christian soul! The lion stopped, knelt, and prayed also: Lord above, may this meal be blessed… [24]

b. The next activity is closed to the first one. Telling an anecdote can be diversified. The teacher can give the following tasks: 1. The beginning of the anecdote for them to finish it

Strolling along the beach, a woman catches sight of a young man who appears to be dancing at the water's edge. The young man bends down, straightens to his full height and then casts his arm out in an arc. Drawing closer, she sees that…

. Funny pictures for them to make a funny story according to the events from the pictures.students can be divided into two or more groups in order to have more variants of the story.. Such a funny picture can be cut off into several pieces. Students join the pieces and tell their variant of such an end at the picture.. Also the students can work in pairs to find differences between 2 pictures, of course funny ones. Each of the partners receives one picture. Discussing the pictures and not looking at their partners picture, they find out the differences.. Students can also guess the continuation of an anecdote. The teacher gives the beginning, and students ask questions in order to construct the plot.. This anecdote can be used for the theme My family. It encourages thinking and speaking about the relationships and the hierarchy of the members in the family.

·A six-year-old boy walked up to his father one day and announced <#"justify">2) For teaching writing the easier and faster organized activity is asking the students to write a funny story or an anecdote. Topics need to be meaningful to virtually all your students. They should be subjects about which most people have something to say: a film they've seen, a close friend, a journey, an evening out in a restaurant or a childhood memory. This is achieved in the anecdote activity by careful preparation of a series of leading questions designed to trigger ideas. Teacher provides opportunities for the students to listen to native speakers doing the anecdote, its better to repeat the task. At the end the teacher tells an anecdote of her own or an invented one, as:

·A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up <#"justify">3) For teaching reading the students can be given cards with sentences written on, taken from an anecdote, which they have to put in order. The students can be divided into two groups, in order to stimulate the faster accomplishment of the activity. Of course, the anecdote should consist of events with chronological order so that the students would be able to catch the meaning. This activity enables students to read the sentences carefully to understand the meaning. There can be some new words related to the vocabulary studied or to the new topic.teacher can use an anecdote as a simple text for a particular theme. The exercises for the text can be as for the usual texts: answering the questions, opinion sharing, making another ending, etc.

·At the 1998 World Women's Conference, the first speaker from England stood up: "At last year's conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb." The crowd cheered. The second speaker from America stood up: "After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well." The crowd cheered. The third speaker from Ireland stood up: "After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his shopping and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye." [27]of humorous discourse in the form of short narratives for reading are useful at this stage. Two examples are presented in (3) and (4):

·(3) The notorious cheapskate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door opens, push with your foot.

Why use my elbow and foot?

Well, gosh, was the reply, youre not coming empty-handed, are you?

·(4) A young playwright gave a special invitation to a highly regarded critic to watch his new play. The critic came to the play, but slept through the entire performance. The playwright was indignant and said:

How could you sleep when you know how much I wanted your opinion?

Young man, the critic said, sleep is an opinion. [28]

) For teaching listening these anecdote are very good - in order to understand the point of the anecdote one should listen very carefully. It depends on the teacher who will read the samples. She can give one anecdote to several students and ask them to read them. It will be great if students will make some comments.

·Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?there were so many knights!

·How do you spell Hard Water with 3 letters? ICE! [29]

·On a hairdryer : Do not use while sleeping.

·On some frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.

·On packaging for an iron: Do not iron clothes on body.

·On a sleep medicine: Warning: may cause drowsiness. [30]teacher prepares an anecdote that can be told in few minutes, lists the main verbs on the board. After telling the anecdote, students retell the anecdote using the verbs from the board and the notes made.

·A mother repeatedly called upstairs for her son to get up, get dressed and get ready for school. It was a familiar routine, especially at exam time.

I feel sick, said the voice from the bedroom.

You are not sick. Get up and get ready, called the mother, walking up the stairs and hovering outside the bedroom door.

I hate school and Im not going, said the voice from the bedroom. Im always getting things wrong, making mistakes and getting told off. Nobody likes me, and Ive got no friends. And we have too many tests and they are too confusing. Its all just pointless, and Im not going to school ever again.

Im sorry, but you are going to school, said the mother through the door, continuing encouragingly, Really, mistakes are how we learn and develop. And please try not to take criticism so personally. And I cant believe that nobody likes you - you have lots of friends at school. And yes, all those tests can be confusing, but we are all are tested in many ways throughout our lives, so all of this experiences at school is useful for life in general. Besides, you have to go, you are the head teacher. [31]usage of the anecdote is when the teacher is reading it and the students perform the actions from the anecdote.

·Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist - he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone." Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels - the phone is still ringing - when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife - she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!" [32]pronunciation. There are a lot of mistakes in this anecdote, so the students need to find them and tell the correct variant.

·A young man comes before a customs agent.: "State your citizenship." :"American" (pronounced with a Spanish accent).

A: "Hold on there, buddy. Say that again." : "I sed American." : "I'm going to give you a test." : "No, no senor, no need for test, I tell you I"m American." : "Yeah, sure buddy. OK, let's see, ... I've got it. Make a sentence with the following colors: green, pink and yellow." : "Oh senor, I tell you I'm American. But OK, let's see... I was at my bruder-in-laws house and the phone went 'green, green, I pinked it up and sed yellow!" [33]

Teaching grammar. There can be expressed different subjects in the content of the anecdotes. Thats why the teacher can use the anecdote for the explanation of some grammatical rules. The teacher should not think of introducing the anecdote, because the point of it will explain everything. In the second example we see a pure explanation of forming negative form, so using of this anecdote can be an interactive method for grammar.

·If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

·On hearing one of his students use the expression I dont know nothing about it… a teacher took the opportunity to explain about double negatives and correct grammar to the class. The teacher explained: In the English language a double negative makes the statement positive, so your assertion that you dont know nothing about it, is actually an admission that you do know something about it. Encouraged by the interest in this revelation among certain class members, the teacher went on to demonstrate more of his knowledge of world languages. Of course not all languages operate according to the same grammatical rules, for example, in Russian, a double negative remains negative, although perhaps surprisingly, there is no a single language anywhere in the world in which a double positive makes a negative… At which a voice from the back of the classroom called out ironically: Yeah, right… [35]

c. Filling in all the gaps, putting the verbs in the correct form. The activity becomes more interesting because in the process of making the exercise the students find out that the story is funny.

·This (happen) about ten years ago. I (ride) my bike in England in the countryside. It was a beautiful morning, the sun (shine) and the birds (sing). I rode through a pretty little village and I (daydream) happily when I (hear) a noise behind me. It was a click - click - click noise and at first I (think) something was caught in the wheel of my bike. So I (look) down but the wheel was fine. The noise started to get louder and I looked behind me. To my alarm, I saw that an (adjective: very big) dog (chase) me. It was the (adjective: superlative) dog I had ever seen. It looked more like a donkey than a dog! usually bark when they (chase) bikes. But this one (not / bark) and this (worry) me even more. I pedalled as hard as I could and the bike began to go faster but still the dog was chasing me. I looked round again. I (can / see) him clearly. He had a big red tongue which (hang) out of one side of his mouth and a row of gleaming white teeth! Then there (be) a loud bang, the bike jumped up and down and I nearly (fall) off as I went over a cattle-grid* at high speed. But fortunately, the grid seemed to stop the dog because the next time I looked round he was gone. A little further up the road I stopped my bike and had a drink of water. My heart (still / beat) like a steam engine. [36]

Teaching vocabulary.

·Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? [37]. This story is mnemonic (meaning memory aid) for remembering the twelve Signs of the Zodiac, in order, staring in January. This is the method of creating a story mnemonic, which can be used to retain all sorts of difficult-to-remember pieces of information.

·In January, a goat (Capricorn), drinking from a stream (Aquarius) said: Look, a fish (Pisces). A ram (Aries), and a bull (Taurus), carrying the twins (Gemini) said: Theres also a crab (Cancer). A lion (Leo) roared in agreement, which startled the young maiden (Virgo) so that she dropped and smashed her scales (Libra). Thats no crab - its a scorpion (Scorpio), said the archer (Sagittarius). [38]

· <#"justify">The new words are colored with red color, which simplifies the task of remembering the new words. The meaning of the words is found from the context. Later, the teacher gives more detailed information about the new vocabulary (transcription, pronunciation, translation). In this case this anecdote can be used for presenting the business vocabulary.following jokes use a "play on words" or a pun - one word has two meanings. Puns provide linguistic and cultural information about the source language. Another type of pun, the conundrum, is more difficult for foreign language learners for they involve reference to two different meanings of a word or a play on two different word meanings.

·A new customer called Tech Support to ask about instructions from his computer's user's manual. "It says, hit any key and when I do that nothing happens'.Tech Support staff member replied, "Can you try again and tell me what happens?"customer explained, "I tried but nothing happened".Tech Support worker then asked, "What key did you hit?"a moment and some clinking sound the customer replied, "Well, first I tried my car key and just now my office key." [40]

·What is more amazing than a talking dog?spelling bee.

·How does a dog stop a VCR?presses the paws button.

·When is a boat like a heap of snow?its adrift.

·When does a cabbage beat a beet in growing?it gets ahead.

·Why is the attorney like a minister?he studies the law and the profits.

·If there are two flies in the kitchen, which one is the cowboy?one on the range.

·What part of the fish weighs the most?

The scales.need massive amounts of vocabulary in order to feel confident that they can understand some or all of the exchanges that they hear and also have the opportunity to employ their vocabulary in real situations. The first example of a linguistic-based joke, which takes advantage of the polysemy of word still would be appropriate at this level of proficiency. It enriches students vocabulary, develops language awareness or "word sensitivity", which protects from failing to understand the humor in such situations. The second joke demands a great deal of lexical competence on the part of learners for they have to cope with the play on the word salt and the contrast "killing with intent to salt" and "assaulting with intent to kill."

·Wife: Do you love me still?: I might if youd stay still long enough."

·What is the difference between stabbing a man and killing a hog? One is assaulting with intent to kill and the other is killing with intent to saltcultural awareness. In the intermediate stage, most language students are ready to appreciate cultural jokes. These anecdotes can give ground to the introduction to some cultural features (holidays, sightseeings, customs) of the countries where the English language is spoken or in general about the cultural treasures of the entire world. Some examples are shown here:

·The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning: "I'm sorry", she said, " Mr. Bradford's on another line."

"This is Mr. Ingram's office", the caller said. "We'd like to know if he's bullish or bearish right now".

"He's talking to his wife," the secretary replied." Right now I'd say he's sheepish".

·The tailor had just measured the mans waistline. Harold, dear, the customers wife said thoughtfully, Its amazing when you think about it. A Douglas fir with the same circumference would be seventy-five feet tall.

·- Do you know what I got for Fathers Day?

- No, what?

The bill for Mothers Day.

·Fathers day always worries me. Im afraid I´ll get something I cant afford. [41]

·A Sikh, a Muslim, an Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman, a Jew, a Buddish and a Hindu go into a pub. The barman looks up and says: Is this some kind of a joke?

·A thief was caught after stealing some paintings from Louvre in Paris, when his getaway van ran out of fuel. Given bail at his first hearing, a reporter asked him on the steps of the courthouse how he forgot such a vital part of his plan. Simple, said the thief, I had no Monet for Degas to make the Van Gogh.

·One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $20 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived." An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct." Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either. Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jayant, come up here and I'll give you the $20." As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, "You know Jayant, since you are Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." Jayant replied, "Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business is business!" [43]

As we work with people that are conscious of what they are doing, the topics and the difficulty of the anecdotes can be widened. Teaching different skills can be regarded is part of the stages of the lesson. The anecdotes are of great importance also for warming-up, checking homework, giving the feedback of the lesson. Thats why anecdotes can be applied by the teacher at any time at the lesson. Teacher can prepare some anecdotes before the lesson, or use those which come to her mind during the lesson, that spread from different situations. Here are some anecdotes to be used.

·On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
·On peanuts packet: Warning: contains nuts.
(Not to mention the nut who wrote the warning )
·On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open
packet, eat nuts. (This anecdote can serve as one to make a positive atmosphere before the test paper. The teacher can read it beforehand and in a humorous manner to compare with the rules for writing the test. For example: Instructions: open the test, answer the questions, no cheating!)
·At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

·At a bookstore: Rare, out-of-print, and nonexistent books.

·My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!

·Help, keep the kitchen clean - eat out. [44]

·Teacher: Whats the longest word in the English language?

Pupil: Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters! [45]

·A very old lady looked in the mirror one morning. She had three remaining hairs on her head, and being a positive soul, she said: I think Ill braid my hair today. So she braided her three hairs, and she had a great day. Some days later, looking I the mirror one morning, preparing for her day, she saw that she had only two hairs remaining. Hmm, two hairs… I fancy a centre parting today. She duly parted her two hairs, and as ever, she had a great day. A week or so later, she saw that she had just one hair left on her head. One hair huh… she mused. I know, a pony tail will be perfect. And again she had a great day. The next morning she looked in the mirror. She was completely bald. Finally bald huh, she said to herself, How wonderful! I wont have to waste my hair any more…

·Mohandas Gandhi, the great Indian statesman and spiritual leader is noted for his unusual humanity and selflessness, which this story epitomizes. Gandhi was boarding a train one day with a number of companions and followers, when his shoe fell from his foot and disappeared in the gap between the train and platform. Unable to retrieve it, he took off his other shoe and threw it down by the first. Responding to the puzzlement of his fellow travelers, Gandhi explained that a poor person who finds a single shoe is no better off - whats really helpful is finding a pair. [46]

·A duck walks into a feed store and asks, "Got any duck feed?"

·The clerk tells him, "No, we don't have a market for it so we don't carry it."

·The duck says, "Okay," and leaves.

·The next day, the duck again walks in to the feed store and asks, "Got any duck feed?" Again the clerk says no and the duck leaves.

·Next day, the duck once again walks in, and asks, "Got any duck feed?"

·The clerk says, "I've told you twice, we don't have duck feed, we've never had duck feed and we never will have duck feed. If you ask me again, I'll nail your feet to the floor." The duck leaves.

·The next day, the duck walks in and asks, "Got any nails?"

·"No."
"Got any duck feed?"
·Two elderly couples <#"justify">·The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused.

·"Need some help?" a secretary asked.

·"Yes," he replied. "How does this thing work?"

·"Simple," she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder.

·"Thanks, but where do the copies come out?"

·A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!" Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. What he saw was yesterday's paper. The man said, "Hey, this is an old paper, where's the story about the big swindle?" The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out, "Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!"

·Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question."

·Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?"

·Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?" [48]

·On a dessert: Do not turn upside down.

·*printed on bottom of the box* (Too late! You lose!)

·On a Pudding packet: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment. ) [49]

·A man near the forest of Gunar in Gujarat was boasting to the villagers that there was no need to be scared of Lions. In the past he had talked to Lions and asked them to leave whenever they came to their village. One day, a Lion came to the village and everyone remembered the old man who was boasting all the time. The old man was now scared but gathered his courage and went with the villagers to the Lion. He saw the lion from 100 feet and slowly and carefully walked a few steps towards the Lion. He yelled at the Lion, "O stupid Lion, don't you know this is Human Society and you are not allowed here? Go Away". The Lion simply ignored. The man took a few more steps towards Lion and again told the lion to leave. The whole village was watching this ordeal. As the man took a step forward, the Lion roared. The man suddenly yelled to the villagers, "RUN RUN, this is a Deaf Lion." [50]

·The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."

·The United Kingdom has some of the most absurd laws in the world. Most of these date back to centuries ago and yet have never been repealed. Here's a sample:

-It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament

It is illegal to eat mince pies- пироги on Christmas Day

It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament wearing a suit of armour

It is illegal to fire a cannon close to a dwelling house

It is illegal to drive cattle through the streets of London

It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the King or Queen's image upside-down

The head of any dead whale- кит found on the British coast is the property of the King, and the tail of the Queen

It is illegal not to tell the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him anything you do not mind him knowing

·Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. But what does it tell you, Holmes?" Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, someone has stolen our tent!" [51]

·TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?

·JOSE : Don't bite any.

·TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?

·SARAH : "HIJKLMNO"!!

·TEACHER: What are you talking about?

·SARAH : Yesterday you said it's H to O!s already proved and experienced that the more students laugh, the more they enjoy. And the more they enjoy, the more they will learn. When used in the correct manner, humor can help to reduce the 'distance' between teachers and students, who would remember more if they are enjoying themselves; however, inappropriate humor can also increase this distance. Therefore, it is vital that the lesson is well prepared and that only positive humor is adopted in the English classroom and this will help achieve the intended - to help the children learn English!this research paper was defined the communicative competence and communicative language teaching in the class and the main provisions of the concept anecdote.work aimed:

) To determine the communicative competence: The term was coined by Dell Hymes in 1966, reacting against the perceived inadequacy of Noam Chomsky's (1965). Hymes's theory of communicative competence was a definition of what a speaker needs to know in order to be communicatively competent in a speech community. In Hymes's view, a person who acquires communicative competence acquires both knowledge and ability for language use.

) To determine the Audio-lingual approach: The Audio-Lingual Method or Army Method or also the New Key is a style of teaching used in teaching foreign languages. It was developed due to the U.S.'s entry into World War II as a need of people who could carry on conversations fluently in a variety of languages such as German, French, Italian, Chinese, Malay, etc., and could work as interpreters, code-room assistants, and translators. Students interacted intensively with native speakers and a linguist in guided conversations designed to decode its basic grammar and learn the vocabulary.

) Its connection with communicative language teaching: According to CLT history the communicative approach is also the product of educators and linguists who had grown dissatisfied with the audio-lingual and grammar-translation methods of foreign language instruction. Communicative language teaching makes use of real-life situations that necessitate communication. The teacher sets up a situation that students are likely to encounter in real life. Unlike the audio-lingual method of language teaching, which relies on repetition and drills, the communicative approach can leave students in suspense as to the outcome of a class exercise, which will vary according to their reactions and responses.

4) To describe what is an anecdote: 'Anecdote' from Greek anekdota "things unpublished". The word comes from Procopius of Caesarea <#"justify">§Pilot to tower . . . pilot to tower . . . I am 300 miles from land . . . 600 feet over water . . . and running out of fuel . . . please instruct! Tower to pilot . . . tower to pilot . . . repeat after me: "Our Father, which art in heaven . . ."

2. Semi-planned

§Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what I just said. When did you first notice this problem? What problem?

3. Unplanned anecdotes come up naturally in the flow of classroom activities and are spontaneously activated by a response, a question, or a discussion that suddenly reminds the teacher of a story that is worthwhile to share with the students.

§William Phelps, marking exam papers shortly before Christmas one year, came across a curious answer to one of his more perplexing questions: "God only knows the answer to this question. Merry Christmas." Phelps returned the paper with the following annotation: "God gets an A, you get an F - Happy New Year!"

b) The theme they reveal;

*Children <#"justify">§A son comes to his dad and says: - Dad, i gotta tell you something - Ok, Quick and clear! - 100 bucks.

*Drunks <#"justify">§An ancient Irishman. Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "it's Michael O'Grady's grave, God, bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87." "That's nothing", says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool, it says here, that he was 95 when he died." Just then, Shamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145 years old!" "What was his name?" asks Paddy. Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."

*Medicine <#"justify">§Patient: (to cosmetic-surgeon) 'Will it hurt, doctor? Surgeon: 'Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown'.

c) Language level. I subdivided it according to the skills that the anecdote develops:

. Young learners:

*Teaching grammar: These anecdotes can be good for a warm-up activity before checking up the homework for the singular and plural form of the noun.

·Teacher: What is the plural of mouse?: Mice.: Good, now whats the plural of baby?: Twins.

*Teaching speaking. This picture is very colorful and contains many objects and people. Students have a great possibility to check their basic knowledge in speaking, for example the construction There is…/ There are…; the colors, etc. The absence of a title or any written dialogue allows the students to use their imagination and express themselves orally or in written form. The teacher asks some questions to avoid simple answers.

. Advanced and Intermediate learners:

* Teaching pronunciation. There are a lot of mistakes in this anecdote, so the students need to find them and tell the correct variant.

·A young man comes before a customs agent.: "State your citizenship.":"American" (pronounced with a Spanish accent).: "Hold on there, buddy. Say that again.": "I sed American.": "I'm going to give you a test.": "No, no senor, no need for test, I tell you I"m American.": "Yeah, sure buddy. OK, let's see, ... I've got it. Make a sentence with the following colors: green, pink and yellow.": "Oh senor, I tell you I'm American. But OK, let's see... I was at my bruder-in-laws house and the phone went 'green, green, I pinked it up and sed yellow!"

* Teaching vocabulary. The new words are colored with red color, which simplifies the task of remembering the new words. The meaning of the words is found from the context. Later, the teacher gives more detailed information about the new vocabulary (transcription, pronunciation, translation). In this case this anecdote can be used for presenting the business vocabulary.

·A businessman walked into a bank in San Francisco and asked for the loan officer. He told the officer that he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The bank officer explained that the bank needed some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out, and the bank agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan. A bank employee drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there. Two weeks later, the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 with interest, which came to $15.41. The loan officer said, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The businessman replied, "Where else in San Francisco can I park my car for two weeks for only 15 bucks?"

As with all language activities care must be taken to prepare students before the activity and guide them along the way. Although the teachers may perceive the exercise as a lighthearted moment in the course of their lesson plan, humor should be an integral part of a positive learning classroom environment. Specific goals and objectives must be pre-established and clear in the mind of the teacher. Humour, along with encouragement and praise should be one of the many useful tools used by language teachers to make their classrooms more inviting and conducive to learning.

From my analysis and observation, I can tell that most of the anecdotes are good for using as a warm-up activity and for teaching reading and listening. But taking into consideration the content, the context, the mode of narration the following diagram shows the percentage of the profit that the anecdotes provide for teaching skills.


Once again I agree with Deniz Salli-Çoper that anecdotes are one of the most economical, easy, and enjoyable ways to introduce meaningful language and content, to practice language skills, and to help manage classes of various ages and proficiency levels. This is because of the very specific 'grammar', i.e. key features, the brevity of the 'tale', its immediacy and personal perspective, and the requirement of the punch line, many teachers have found anecdotes to be an interesting and inviting way of reconsidering practice. The use of narratives such anecdotes can provide an entry into pupils' lives and their understanding of those events which have shaped or are shaping their understandings of their life. Since teaching is a never-ending presentation, using anecdotes can be a useful and rewarding technique that should be integrated into classroom language teaching.

BIBLIOGRAPHIE

1. Barnes, D. (1992). The significance of teachers' frames for teaching. In T. Russell & H. Munby (Eds.). Teachers and leaching: from classroom 10 reflection (pp. 9-32). London: Falmer Press.

. Beattie, M. & Conle, C. (1996). Teacher narrative, fragile stories and change. Asia-Pacific Journal of Teacher Education,24(3), 309-326.

. Benson, M. J. 2000. Writing an academic article: An editor writes. English Teaching Forum 38(2): 33-35.

. Berliner. D.C. (1988). The development of expertise in pedagogy. Charles W. Hunt Memorial Lecture, American Association of Colleges for Teacher Education, New Orleans, Louisiana, ED 298122.

. Boud, D. & Walker, D. (1991). Experience and learning: reflection at work. Geelong: Victoria, Deakin University Book. Production Unit.

6. E. Fuller, 2500 Anecdotes <#"justify">APPENDIX

Native English

Pilot to tower . . . pilot to tower . . . I am 300 miles from land . . . 600 feet over water . . . and running out of fuel . . . please instruct! Tower to pilot . . . tower to pilot . . . repeat after me: "Our Father, which art in heaven . . ."

A duck walks into a general store and asks the manager,"Got any fresh fruit?" "No." "Got any fresh vegetables?" "No. We have only canned and dry goods." The next day, the duck returns. "Got any fresh fruit?" "No." "Got any fresh vegetables?" "No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry goods. If you come back tomorrow and ask me the same question, I'll nail your flippers to the floor." On the 3rd day, the duck walks in and asks, "Got any nails?" "No." "Got any fresh fruit?"

Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said. When did you first notice this problem? What problem?

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a god!

A son comes to his dad and says: - Dad, i gotta tell you something - Ok, Quick and clear! - 100 bucks

One day Mongo is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. "Whatcha doin?" he asked. Mongo replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying him." "That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor. Mongo shot back, "That's because he's inside your cat!'

An ancient Irishman. Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "it's Michael O'Grady's grave, God, bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87." "That's nothing", says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool, it says here, that he was 95 when he died." Just then, Shamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145 years old!" "What was his name?" asks Paddy. Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye (or maybe it was Neil McNell from Barra, but anyway..) went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him (no doubt carrying reinforcements of tatties, salt herring, oatmeal and whisky). "And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked. "Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night." "Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbours?" "Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."

When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A women was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside. 'Step aside, lady,' he barked. 'I've taken a course in first-aid!' The women watched for a few minutes, then tapped him on the shoulder. 'Pardon me,' she said. 'But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm right here.'

A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa. When he came back, his colleagues asked him how it had been. "Oh, it was very disappointing," he said. "I didn't kill a thing. I'd have been better off staying here in the hospital."

Patient: (to cosmetic-surgeon) 'Will it hurt, doctor? Surgeon: 'Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown'.

A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The woman nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping."

HEGS. The Doctor tells his patient that he has H-E-G-S "What's that?", the patient asks. "It's a combination of Herpes, Encephalitis, Gonorrhea and Syphyllis." The patient wants to know if there's a cure, to which the Doctor responds, "We have to keep you in a hospital room and feed you nothing but pancackes." "Why only pancackes?", asks the patient. The Doctor answers, "They're the only thing that will fit under the door."

Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"

A Short History of Medicinehave an earache...

B.C. - Here, eat this root.

A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.

A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.

A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.

A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.

A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you. It's a classic! In tribute to those 'special' customers we all love! An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?" Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore." Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up, wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

A middle-aged Jewish guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He says, "So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?" She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce." He says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much."

Who introduced you to your wife? We just met. I cant blame anyone.

What do you and your wife fight about all the time? I dont know.She wont tell me.

What makes you think your husband is getting tired of you? He hasnt been home for seven years.

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boys position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"

God, I was wondering...how long is a million years to you?" God answered, "Son, a million years to me is like a second to you." So the man asks, "God how much is a million dollars to you?" And God answered, "Son a million dollars to me is like one penny to you." So the man asks, "God, can I have one of your pennies?" And God answers, "Just a second son."

Should you have any questions during the exam, just raise your hand. This should cause enough blood to flow to your brain to answer it yourself.

Examination to Qualify for Entrance to UNLV (basketball players only)Limit: 3 weeks

. What language is spoken in France?

. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

. Would you ask William Shakespeare to (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army or (d) WRITE A PLAY

. What religion is the Pope? (a) Jewish (b) Catholic (c) Hindu (d) Polish (e) Agnostic (check only one)

. Metric conversion. How many feet in 0.0 meters?

. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

. What are people in America's far north called? (a) Westerners (b) Southerners (c) Northerners (d) Easterners

. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton.

. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

. Where does rain come from? (a) Macy's (b) a 7-11 (c) Canada (d) the sky

. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity? (a) yes (b) no

. What are coat hangers used for?

. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?

. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

. Which part of America produces the most oranges? (a) New York (b) Florida (c) Canada (d) Wisconsin

. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you have?

. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?

. The UNLV tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)? (a) B.C. (b) A.D. (c) still waiting

*You must answer three or more questions correctly to qualify

Some of the most tactful people on Earth are English. One office supervisor called a secretary in to give her the bad news that she was being fired. He started the conversation with: "Miss Symthe, I really don't know how we're going to get along without you, but starting Monday, we're going to try.

Three guys are in a plane, lost in fog, and they don't know where they are. The first guy says "I'll find out" and puts his arm out the plane, then brings it back in and says "We're just over Paris" "How do you know" ask the others "Well I've just felt the top of the Eiffel tower." Later on the second guy tries and says "We just flew over London" "How?" asks the others "Well I've just felt the top of Big Ben" Still later on the last guy tries it, puts his arm out the plane, and says to the others "We have just flown over Glasgow." "How do you know that?" comes the reply. "Because somebody has just stolen my watch"

The Lovely Rose. While a violet stood pitying herself for being short, a rose said to her. "I for my part think you are lovely, little sister. Be satisfied with being just the one you are. "That afternoon a man came to the garden to take a rest, attracted by the delicate beauty and lovely smell of the rose. He cut its long, graceful neck, and just a moment later, when he had sniffed the lovely fragrance to his satisfaction, he threw the rose away. "See?" gasped the rose to the violet.

Plato tells of how spirits of the other world came back to find bodies and places to work. One took the body of a poet and did his work. Finally, Ulysses came and said, "All the fine bodies have been taken and all the grand work done. There is nothing for me." "Mind," said a voice, "the best has been left for you - the body of a common man, doing a common work for a common reward."

EINSTEIN was asked by his hostess at a social gathering to explain his theory of relativity. Said the great mathematician, "Madam, I was once walking in the country on a hot day with a blind friend, and said that I would like a drink of milk." "Milk?" said my friend, "Drink I know; but what is milk?" "A white liquid," I replied. "Liquid I know; but what is white?" "The colour of a swan's feathers." "Feathers I know; what is a swan?" "A bird with a crooked neck." "Neck I know; but what is this crooked?" "Thereupon I lost patience. I seized his arm and straightened it. "That's straight," I said; and then I bent it at the elbow. "That's crooked." "Ah!" said the blind man, "Now I know what you mean by milk!"about Gardeners

All gardeners know better than other gardeners. - Chinese Proverb

If I'm ever reborn, I want to be a gardener-there's too much to do for one lifetime! - Karl Foerster

When gardeners garden, it is not just plants that grow, but the gardeners themselves. - Ken Druse. Fuller, 2500 Anecdotes; Daily Telegraph, July 22, 1987.

William Phelps, marking exam papers shortly before Christmas one year, came across a curious answer to one of his more perplexing questions: "God only knows the answer to this question. Merry Christmas." Phelps returned the paper with the following annotation: "God gets an A, you get an F - Happy New Year!"Robert Schmitz, Humor as a pedagogical tool in foreign language and translation courses

- Are you fishing?

No, just drowning worms?

- I dont like the flies in here.

Well, come around to tomorrow. Well have some new ones.

- Last week I went fishing and all I got was a sunburn, poison ivy and mosquito bites.

- Gee, Dad, thats a swell fish you caught. Can I use it as bait?

- Are you fishing?

No, just drowning worms.

- Do fish grow fast?

Sure. Every time my Dad mentions the one that got away, it grows another foot.

The notorious cheapskate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door opens, push with your foot.

Why use my elbow and foot?

Well, gosh, was the reply, youre not coming empty-handed, are you?Lion/ Reader's Digest, (December), 1986.

A young playwright gave a special invitation to a highly regarded critic to watch his new play. The critic came to the play, but slept through the entire performance. The playwright was indignant and said:

How could you sleep when you know how much I wanted your opinion?

Young man, the critic said, sleep is an opinion.Farmer's Almanac,

What is more amazing than a talking dog?spelling bee.

How does a dog stop a VCR?presses the paws button.

(Jokes sent by Kids to the Rosie O'Donnel Show. New York: Lucky Charms Entertainment, Inc. and Warner Books Inc., p. 12).

When is a boat like a heap of snow?its adrift.

When does a cabbage beat a beet in growing?it gets ahead.

Why is the attorney like a minister?he studies the law and the profits.

If there are two flies in the kitchen, which one is the cowboy?one on the range.

What part of the fish weighs the most?scales. (Tidwell, ed., 1956: 110)

Wife: Do you love me still?: I might if youd stay still long enough."

(Lendvai, 1996: 91, apud Flier)

What is the difference between stabbing a man and killing a hog? One is assaulting with intent to kill and the other is killing with intent to salt (Tidwell (1956)

The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning: "I'm sorry", she said, " Mr. Bradford's on another line."

"This is Mr. Ingram's office", the caller said. "We'd like to know if he's bullish or bearish right now".

"He's talking to his wife," the secretary replied." Right now I'd say he's sheepish". (John Pizzuto, The Great Wall Street Joke Book (Long Shadow Books). Reader's Digest, (December, 1986).

The tailor had just measured the mans waistline. Harold, dear, the customers wife said thoughtfully, Its amazing when you think about it. A Douglas fir with the same circumference would be seventy-five feet tall.Hall in the American Legion Magazine/ Reader's Digest (December, 1986)

- Do you know what I got for Fathers Day?

No, what?

The bill for Mothers Day.

Fathers day always worries me. Im afraid I´ll get something I cant afford.

(Fechtner, 1983: 104)Wellness, For Funny Bone

A duck walks into a feed store and asks, "Got any duck feed?"clerk tells him, "No, we don't have a market for it so we don't carry it."duck says, "Okay," and leaves.next day, the duck again walks in to the feed store and asks, "Got any duck feed?" Again the clerk says no and the duck leaves.day, the duck once again walks in, and asks, "Got any duck feed?"clerk says, "I've told you twice, we don't have duck feed, we've never had duck feed and we never will have duck feed. If you ask me again, I'll nail your feet to the floor." The duck leaves.next day, the duck walks in and asks, "Got any nails?"

"No."

"Got any duck feed?"Students, Student Jokes and Anecdotes

The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."

The United Kingdom has some of the most absurd laws in the world. Most of these date back to centuries ago and yet have never been repealed. Here's a sample:

It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament

It is illegal to eat mince pies- пироги on Christmas Day

It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament wearing a suit of armour

It is illegal to fire a cannon close to a dwelling house

It is illegal to drive cattle through the streets of London

It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the King or Queen's image upside-down

The head of any dead whale- кит found on the British coast is the property of the King, and the tail of the Queen

It is illegal not to tell the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him anything you do not mind him knowing

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. But what does it tell you, Holmes?" Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, someone has stolen our tent!"

Teacher - Student Jokes

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?: Don't bite any.

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.: Me!

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?: "HIJKLMNO"!!: What are you talking about?: Yesterday you said it's H to O!Education, Best Collection of English Humor: anecdotes, jokes and funny stories

At the 1998 World Women's Conference, the first speaker from England stood up: "At last year's conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb." The crowd cheered. The second speaker from America stood up: "After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well." The crowd cheered. The third speaker from Ireland stood up: "After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his shopping and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye."

Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist - he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone." Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels - the phone is still ringing - when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife - she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!"

The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused.

"Need some help?" a secretary asked.

"Yes," he replied. "How does this thing work?"

"Simple," she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder.

"Thanks, but where do the copies come out?"

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!" Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. What he saw was yesterday's paper. The man said, "Hey, this is an old paper, where's the story about the big swindle?" The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out, "Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!"

Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?": "I was the only one who could answer a question.": "Oh, really? What was the question?": "Who threw the eraser at the principal?", Anecdotes and Fables

·Strolling along the beach, a woman catches sight of a young man who appears to be dancing at the water's edge. The young man bends down, straightens to his full height and then casts his arm out in an arc. Drawing closer, she sees that the sand is littered with starfish and he is throwing them, one by one, back into the sea. She says, There are stranded starfish as far as the eye can see. What difference can saving a few of them possibly make? Smiling, he stoops down and tosses another starfish out over the water, saying, It made a difference to that one.To Speak English Fluently

·A businessman walked into a bank in San Francisco and asked for the loan officer <#"justify"> A six-year-old boy walked up to his father one day and announced, 'Daddy, I'd like to get married.' His father replied hesitantly, 'Sure, son, do you have anyone special in mind?' 'Yes,' answered the boy. 'I want to marry Grandma.' 'Now, wait a minute,' said his father. 'You don't think I'd let you get married with my mother, do you?' 'Why not?' the boy asked. 'You married mine.'

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally, he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. "Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son who just died recently." "I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "Is there anything I can do for you?" "Yes," she said. "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Goodbye mother'? It would make me feel much better." "Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye mother!" As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!" "Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.

A man died and went to heaven. An angel met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, 'Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you - we've examined your whole life, and you really didn't do anything particularly good or bad. We're not sure whether we can admit you into heaven or not. Can you tell us anything exceptional you did that can help us make a decision?' The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, 'Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a woman who was being harassed by a group of goons. So I pulled over, got out my tire iron, and went up to the leader of the gang. He was a big, muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring out of his nose, and told him that he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me!' 'I'm impressed,' The angel responded, 'When did this happen?' The man replied, 'About two minutes ago'.

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse had been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques - visualization,association - it has made a big difference for me." "That's great! What was the name of that clinic?" Fred went blank. He thought and thought but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stemand thorns?" "You mean a rose?" "Yes, that's it!" Then he turned to his wife and asked, "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

A famous scientist was on his way to a lecture in yet another university when his chauffeur offered an idea. "Hey, boss, I've heard your speech so many times I bet I could deliver it and give you the night off." "Sounds great," the scientist said. When they got to the auditorium, the scientist put on the chauffeur's hat and settled into the back row. The chauffeur walked to the lectern and delivered the speech. Afterward he asked if there were any questions. "Yes," said one professor. Then he launched into a highly technical question. The chauffeur was panic stricken for a moment but quickly recovered. "That's an easy one," he replied. "In fact, it's so easy, I'm going to let my chauffeur answer it!"and Learn English, easy Joke One

A new customer called Tech Support to ask about instructions from his computer's user's manual. "It says, hit any key and when I do that nothing happens'.Tech Support staff member replied, "Can you try again and tell me what happens?"customer explained, "I tried but nothing happened".Tech Support worker then asked, "What key did you hit?"a moment and some clinking sound the customer replied, "Well, first I tried my car key and just now my office key."

"When I have enough money, I want to buy a big horse with three bedrooms and two bathrooms."

"Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33."

"On weekends, I enjoy playing in the piano."and Anecdotes

There was once a Hindu pundit who was wearing a dhoti. Seeking to ridicule the pundit, a British person pulled on the back of the dhoti and asked the pundit what it was. The pundit asked the suited - booted British, what was he wearing in the neck over his shirt. The British replied, it was a Neck Tie, upon which the Pundit showing the back of his dhoti said, "This is my back tie".

A man near the forest of Gunar in Gujarat was boasting to the villagers that there was no need to be scared of Lions. In the past he had talked to Lions and asked them to leave whenever they came to their village. One day, a Lion came to the village and everyone remembered the old man who was boasting all the time. The old man was now scared but gathered his courage and went with the villagers to the Lion. He saw the lion from 100 feet and slowly and carefully walked a few steps towards the Lion. He yelled at the Lion, "O stupid Lion, don't you know this is Human Society and you are not allowed here? Go Away". The Lion simply ignored. The man took a few more steps towards Lion and again told the lion to leave. The whole village was watching this ordeal. As the man took a step forward, the Lion roared. The man suddenly yelled to the villagers, "RUN RUN, this is a Deaf Lion."

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on top of his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist." Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute. A week later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an "A" when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"

One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $20 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived." An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct." Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either. Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jayant, come up here and I'll give you the $20." As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, "You know Jayant, since you are Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." Jayant replied, "Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business is business!".net

POLAR BEAR CUB: Mum, am I a real polar bear?BEAR MOTHER: Yes, dear, of course you are.BEAR CUB: Really?BEAR MOTHER: Yes, son. Im a polar bear. Your dads a polar bear. Your grandparents are polar bears. Your sisters are polar bears. Your brothers are polar bears.BEAR CUB: I know that, mum. But am I a real polar bear?BEAR MOTHER: Of course you are. Be quiet and eat your fish.BEAR CUB: But Im not a polar bear, Im sure.BEAR MOTHER: Listen to me. You are a real polar bear. Why do you ask the same question again and again?BEAR CUB: Because Im freezing!

Teacher: Whats wrong?: I cant find my boots.: What kind of boots are they?: Theyre long green ones.: Theres a pair of green boots right here. Are you sure these arent yours?: No, those arent mine. Mine had snow on them.

Mum: Alice, what are you doing in here [in the bathroom]?: Im standing on a chair.: But why are you standing on the chair?: Im looking into the mirror, mum.: But youve got your eyes closed, Alice. Why are you doing that?: I want to see what I look like when Im sleeping.

A young man comes before a customs agent.: "State your citizenship.":"American" (pronounced with a Spanish accent).: "Hold on there, buddy. Say that again.": "I sed American.": "I'm going to give you a test.": "No, no senor, no need for test, I tell you I"m American.": "Yeah, sure buddy. OK, let's see, ... I've got it. Make a sentence with the following colors: green, pink and yellow.": "Oh senor, I tell you I'm American. But OK, let's see... I was at my bruder-in-laws house and the phone went 'green, green, I pinked it up and sed yellow!"

Student to teacher," Are 'pants' singular or plural?", "They're singular on top and plural on the bottom."

TEACHER: What's your name?: Ravi.: You should say "Sir".: OK, Sir Ravi!

Teacher; What is the plural of mouse?: Mice.: Good, now whats the plural of baby?: Twins.

Teacher: Whats the longest word in the English language?: Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters!

Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?there were so many knights!

How do you spell Hard Water with 3 letters? ICE!, Stories and Analogies

A Sikh, a Muslim, an Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman, a Jew, a Buddish and a Hindu go into a pub. The barman looks up and says: Is this some kind of a joke?

In January, a goat (Capricorn), drinking from a stream (Aquarius) said: Look, a fish (Pisces). A ram (Aries), and a bull (Taurus), carrying the twins (Gemini) said: Theres also a crab (Cancer). A lion (Leo) roared in agreement, which startled the young maiden (Virgo) so that she dropped and smashed her scales (Libra). Thats no crab - its a scorpion (Scorpio), said the archer (Sagittarius).

A thief was caught after stealing some paintings from Louvre in Paris, when his getaway van ran out of fuel. Given bail at his first hearing, a reporter asked him on the steps of the courthouse how he forgot such a vital part of his plan. Simple, said the thief, I had no Monet for Degas to make the Van Gogh.

·A missionary came upon a hungry lion in the middle of an African plain. The missionary knelt and prayed: God, please give this lion a Christian soul! The lion stopped, knelt, and prayed also: Lord above, may this meal be blessed…

A mother repeatedly called upstairs for her son to get up, get dressed and get ready for school. It was a familiar routine, especially at exam time.

I feel sick, said the voice from the bedroom.

You are not sick. Get up and get ready, called the mother, walking up the stairs and hovering outside the bedroom door.

I hate school and Im not going, said the voice from the bedroom. Im always getting things wrong, making mistakes and getting told off. Nobody likes me, and Ive got no friends. And we have too many tests and they are too confusing. Its all just pointless, and Im not going to school ever again.

Im sorry, but you are going to school, said the mother through the door, continuing encouragingly, Really, mistakes are how we learn and develop. And please try not to take criticism so personally. And I cant believe that nobody likes you - you have lots of friends at school. And yes, all those tests can be confusing, but we are all are tested in many ways throughout our lives, so all of this experiences at school is useful for life in general. Besides, you have to go, you are the head teacher.

A very old lady looked in the mirror one morning. She had three remaining hairs on her head, and being a positive soul, she said: I think Ill braid my hair today. So she braided her three hairs, and she had a great day. Some days later, looking I the mirror one morning, preparing for her day, she saw that she had only two hairs remaining. Hmm, two hairs… I fancy a centre parting today. She duly parted her two hairs, and as ever, she had a great day. A week or so later, she saw that she had just one hair left on her head. One hair huh… she mused. I know, a pony tail will be perfect. And again she had a great day. The next morning she looked in the mirror. She was completely bald. Finally bald huh, she said to herself, How wonderful! I wont have to waste my hair any more…

Mohandas Gandhi, the great Indian statesman and spiritual leader is noted for his unusual humanity and selflessness, which this story epitomizes. Gandhi was boarding a train one day with a number of companions and followers, when his shoe fell from his foot and disappeared in the gap between the train and platform. Unable to retrieve it, he took off his other shoe and threw it down by the first. Responding to the puzzlement of his fellow travelers, Gandhi explained that a poor person who finds a single shoe is no better off - whats really helpful is finding a pair.

On hearing one of his students use the expression I dont know nothing about it… a teacher took the opportunity to explain about double negatives and correct grammar to the class. The teacher explained: In the English language a double negative makes the statement positive, so your assertion that you dont know nothing about it, is actually an admission that you do know something about it. Encouraged by the interest in this revelation among certain class members, the teacher went on to demonstrate more of his knowledge of world languages. Of course not all languages operate according to the same grammatical rules, for example, in Russian, a double negative remains negative, although perhaps surprisingly, there is no a single language anywhere in the world in which a double positive makes a negative… At which a voice from the back of the classroom called out ironically: Yeah, right…Quotes, Funny Stuff

On a hairdryer : Do not use while sleeping.

On some frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.

On packaging for an iron: Do not iron clothes on body.

On a sleep medicine: Warning: may cause drowsiness.

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.

(Now I'm curious.)

On peanuts packet: Warning: contains nuts.

(Not to mention the nut who wrote the warning )

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open, eat nuts.

At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

At a bookstore: Rare, out-of-print, and nonexistent books.

My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!

Help, keep the kitchen clean - eat out.

On a dessert: Do not turn upside down.

*printed on bottom of the box* (Too late! You lose!)

On a Pudding packet: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment. )

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?Small Business Know-How resource, The 30 Best Inspiring Anecdotes of all times

When young F. W. Woolworth was a store clerk, he tried to convince his boss to have a ten-cent sale to reduce inventory. The boss agreed, and the idea was a resounding success. This inspired Woolworth to open his own store and price items at a nickel and a dime. He needed capital for such a venture, so he asked his boss to supply the capital for part interest in the store. His boss turned him down flat. "The idea is too risky," he told Woolworth. "There are not enough items to sell for five and ten cents." Woolworth went ahead without his boss's backing, and he not only was successful in his first store, but eventually he owned a chain of F. W. Woolworth stores across the nation. Later, his former boss was heard to remark, "As far as I can figure out, every word I used to turn Woolworth down cost me about a million dollars."

ELTbase.com, Sherlock Holmes in Simple English

the Donkey-Dog

This (happen) about ten years ago. I (ride) my bike in England in the countryside. It was a beautiful morning, the sun (shine) and the birds (sing). I rode through a pretty little village and I (daydream) happily when I (hear) a noise behind me. It was a click - click - click noise and at first I (think) something was caught in the wheel of my bike. So I (look) down but the wheel was fine. The noise started to get louder and I looked behind me. To my alarm, I saw that an (adjective: very big) dog (chase) me. It was the (adjective: superlative) dog I had ever seen. It looked more like a donkey than a dog!
Dogs usually bark when they (chase) bikes. But this one (not / bark) and this (worry) me even more. I pedalled as hard as I could and the bike began to go faster but still the dog was chasing me. I looked round again. I (can / see) him clearly. He had a big red tongue which (hang) out of one side of his mouth and a row of gleaming white teeth! Then there (be) a loud bang, the bike jumped up and down and I nearly (fall) off as I went over a cattle-grid* at high speed. But fortunately, the grid seemed to stop the dog because the next time I looked round he was gone. A little further up the road I stopped my bike and had a drink of water. My heart (still / beat) like a steam engine.
Woodlands Junior School, Kids Christmas Jokes

What do you say to a cow that crosses in front of your car? - Mooo-ve over.

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